Babies
by Harley-Cat
Summary: How Harley got her beloved hyenas...'cuz there needs to be more stories featuring them!


"A huntin' I will go…a huntin' I will go…all long the doo-da day, a huntin' I will go."

She sang under her breath, skipping down the empty street. Mistah J had sent her on a couple of errands. The least she could do was make the most out of it.

She had spent most of the afternoon raiding small-time prank stores, gleefully gathering up every whoopee cushion in sight and beating the poor storeowner to a bloody unconsciousness. That had been quite fun.

To her own surprise, nobody had noticed her. How many other gals in Gotham wore their hair up in girlish pigtails?! That, in itself was funny. Gotham folk could be so, hopelessly clueless.

Peering inside her handbag, Harley pulled out a bright pink whoopee cushion and began to play with it; making it pop air into her face and make that familiar ''fartsy'' noise until she collapsed in shrill giggles.

"God, I love these things. They're so much funnn!"

Part of her wished that someone else was nearby. Maybe then, she could have someone to share the laughter with. But of course, no one was around. They probably had all gone to that new attraction at the Gotham Zoo. Harley remembered that everyone had been talking about it.

"What's so interesting about some smelly old zoo anyway?" she wondered out loud.

Giggling, she turned a cartwheel on the pavement.

"Guess there's nothin' left ta do but ta go an' find out! Puddin' probably won't mind if I just pop in for a peek."

In her usual hyperactive fashion, the young harlequin made her way towards the Gotham zoo, tossing one of her whoopee cushions at a random man at a pretzel stand. She roared with wild laughter as the poor bloke gasped in surprise, slipped on the cushion, and fell flat on his butt. So far, it was shaping up to be a fine day.

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Harley remembered the zoo as a child: a foul smelling crowded place swarming with obnoxious pedestrians and wailing infants. In a way, Harley was glad that her neglecting mother had rarely taken her there.

But today…today it was different. Everywhere she turned, Harley could see young intellectual-looking students strolling about. Harley suppressed the urge not to steal their nerdy glasses and throw them into the crocodile pit.

Shoving through a group of students, Harley entered a large auditorium, eager to see why it was this spot that everyone seemed to be gathering.

On stage, some geeky-looking professor was rambling on about different animal species and how it was important to take care of the environment and blah blah blah.

Harley snickered: if taking care of the environment was so important, why did the Gotham Zoo look like a dump? Mistah J would find this funny.

"And now, my audience, this is the moment you've been waiting for." The professor wheeled a large cart onstage. On the cart, there was a gigantic cage covered by a cloth. Everybody oohed.

_Is the geek gonna do a magic trick?_ Harley thought.

In a flash, the professor pulled away the cloth, revealing in the cage, two small spotted hyena pups. Grabbing them uncomfortably by the scruffs of their necks, the professor held them out for all to see.

"These are the newest addition to our beloved zoo. Brothers straight from Africa. Only a few months old."

Harley blinked at the two pups dangling from the professor's hands. She had always heard that hyenas made little noises that sounded like they were laughing-but these little pups, for such a seemingly happy species, had the saddest, loneliest faces she had ever seen.

"Now naturally," the professor droned on, "these youngsters were taken in without a mother. No worries; our great animal care will ensure that these little guys grow into healthy adults."

Harley's jaw dropped. Gotham Zoo was notorious for underfeeding their animals. They called it ''a strict diet''. Harley called it starvation. She never had been too keen with animals, but the way those little pups _looked_ at her made her heart ache with pity.

The crowd was beginning to drift away, tiring from the boring old professor and his decidedly uninteresting attraction. Harley waited in the shadows.

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"Hiya, doc."

The professor turned and stood face to face with the Joker's crazed henchgirl.

"You-you're _her_. The one I've heard about on the news. Joker's woman."

She laughed and did a flip over his head, blocking the nearest exit.

"Aw, can't ya call me by my name?"

The professor simply shook in fright.

"Anyway, loved that little history lesson earlier. Was a real scream. About those little hyena pups-"

"Those spotted hyenas are strictly for the Gotham Zoo. They're not for sale."

She rolled her eyes. "Gee, ya act like your doing them a FAVOR! Look, doc, you and I both know that this quaint little zoo doesn't give a flying fart about them. They'll die without proper care. Even I can see that and I'm nuts!"

She took a step forward, keeping her voice friendly but commanding.

"Let me take 'em off your hands. Mistah J and I would take care of them. More care than this dingy old zoo ever will."

"THEY'RE NOT FOR SALE!"

The professor banged his hand on the cart, causing the cage to fall to the ground. Harley heard the hyenas howl in pain.

"Smooth. Its obvious that your care aint loving enough. I'll be nice one last time. Let me have 'em."

He snarled, not wanting to be defeated. "I'm calling the police, missy. Soon, you'll be back at Arkham where you and freaks like the Joker belong."

That did it. Harley pulled out a vial of Joker toxin and threw it at him. The professor's mouth curled into a sickening grin as he fell to the ground, laughing like a maniac.

"Don't ever call my Puddin' a freak," she muttered as she left, carrying the hyenas in her arms.

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The walk back to Joker's place was rather far and Harley, being an insane criminal and carrying two hyena pups, couldn't get a cab.

She cradled the pups in her arms as she walked along, rocking them slowly until they fell into a comfortable doze. They were so small! So fragile! They looked like little hairy infants.

Harley bit her lip, would Joker like them? They were, after all, hyenas. They were supposed to laugh.

Rain began to pour down from the sky, disturbing the sleeping pups and matting Harley's pigtailed hair. Taking shelter, she sat down in a nearby alleyway, crooning gentle words to the little pups.

"You guys are so cute…you look like a little duo, like Bud Abbot and Lou Costello."

Names. It hit her then.

"Bud and Lou…yes…Puddin' will really like that. I know he will."

One of the little ones awoke and nibbled affectionately on her index finger, squeaking a tiny giggle. She pressed them closer to her chest, feeling their little heartbeats flutter with hers. She was glad she had taken them.

"You're safe with me now. I will always take extra-special care of you. Don't look sad anymore. Mama-Harley loves her hyenas."

She watched the rain trickle slowly into the puddles; making little ripples in the water.

"My little babies…"


End file.
